Big Girl Panties: Addendum
It's been a little over a month for what was supposed to be a happy introduction to my promotion as supervisor, and I still very often deep sigh before I walk into the building. Not much has changed. There is still nothing about the amount of hours, my actual job description, or the regular stress that comes along with being a supervisor that makes me second guess my entire existence ... it is still simply just the environment. Let's pick up where we last left off, shall we?
I took the weekend to reconsider the loaded question that was gnawing at me "was it worth it?". I must have called legitimately everyone in my phone book for one person to even remotely agree that I should never step foot in that dreadful building, ever again. To no avail. The answers varied from person to person but the moral was the same, "you don't quit a job because other people don't want to see you succeed. You quit a job on your own terms ... and only when you have another job". I had to face the music. Even though I didn't particularly like the song. My need to be liked and well received by my peers did not trump my current circumstance: I needed a job. Yesterday. And this, by all accounts, was it.
I took the advice I was given and made the best out of a bad situation. I tried to rise above. Though I was greeted with lukewarm smiles and very limited conversations I counteracted it all with million-watt smiles and friendly open ended questions. I tried to maintain a low profile. Focus on the task at hand and do my job to the best of my ability. There was no blueprint for me so I had to create one myself.
Case and point: I tried several ways to show everyone I was on their side and I could be helpful. I revised their daily checklists to put some of the more tedious tasks on my plate to allow them more time to really focus on guest interaction and not the computer. I sent out "keep up the great work" email blasts for minor things just to show my appreciation for their hard work. I even created cash prizes for do nothing more than their literal job, just to spark some friendly competition. I was for sure this would create a more open dialogue and garner just a morsel of gratitude from everyone. Right? Wrong!
At each turn I was met with objection, complete obliviousness, and the "that's nice but no one is going to do that". Daily tasks weren't being completed even with less to complete, emails went unread, and that cash prize competition .... no one even bothered to think twice about it. The open dialogue? It was a one way street. The only time anyone ever "respected" my title as supervisor was when they called out for a shift knowing I solely would be responsible for going in, no matter what. I was covering so many called out shifts there were days I would only make it home with enough time to shower, sleep for an hour, and head back out to work.
I was given more responsibility because I was handling it so well. Really, I was dying inside. My body hurt everyday. It was a good nights sleep if I was able to keep my eyes shut for more than 3 hours. My anxiety started to make me feel physically sick. I couldn't tell up from down, I was just floating, one day to the next. My General Manager and the rest of the management team commended me on my hard work. For them it wasn't going unnoticed. Practically because my overtime every week was only increasing. In some odd way though their recognition only motivated me to work harder. Be more proactive. Just do and not complain. Suck it up. After all, they were the ones signing my checks and would be the ones to review my job performance the next time I asked for a promotion, and trust me, there will be a next time.
Long story short- I stopped coddling everyone and work became just that, work. I asked for the support of my GM in trusting my judgment and backing me up when I needed it. There were consequences for things not getting done. No more excuses. No more, "no one is going to do that". I didn't win every battle but I was in a better position to win the war. I failed in some ways and succeeded in others. I was tested both personally and professionally and sometimes still find myself in bed at 3am wide awake on Indeed.com convinced that I should find another line of work.
I wish I could say things have gotten easier. That everyone came around and we all of a sudden work in rhythm with one another. That the work feels less stressful and more rewarding, but I would be lying. The truth is, the environment is still just as toxic as the day my promotion was announced. I've realized that is the sad reality of some work places and instead of trying to change it I've learned to adapt. Meet people where they are.
The biggest takeaway this far has been to not take things personally, even when it is personal. Unfortunately there are people in this world who refuse to treat you with the respect you deserve. Those who want to dim your light because they are so used to living in darkness, you intimidate them. How people treat you sometimes has very little to do with you and everything to do with them. I have learned to create my own standard of success and measure myself based on my on specific goals. To celebrate my own victories and be okay celebrating myself. To forgive myself when I do something wrong. Humble myself enough to ask for help. Smile when I learn something new and do it correctly the first time around. Leave work at work. And above all else, remember that no matter how anyone feels, a new position was created just for me because I am valuable, I am useful, I am brilliant when I focus on something, and I have something no one can ever take from me: a passion and drive and to better than I was yesterday.
I took the weekend to reconsider the loaded question that was gnawing at me "was it worth it?". I must have called legitimately everyone in my phone book for one person to even remotely agree that I should never step foot in that dreadful building, ever again. To no avail. The answers varied from person to person but the moral was the same, "you don't quit a job because other people don't want to see you succeed. You quit a job on your own terms ... and only when you have another job". I had to face the music. Even though I didn't particularly like the song. My need to be liked and well received by my peers did not trump my current circumstance: I needed a job. Yesterday. And this, by all accounts, was it.
I took the advice I was given and made the best out of a bad situation. I tried to rise above. Though I was greeted with lukewarm smiles and very limited conversations I counteracted it all with million-watt smiles and friendly open ended questions. I tried to maintain a low profile. Focus on the task at hand and do my job to the best of my ability. There was no blueprint for me so I had to create one myself.
Case and point: I tried several ways to show everyone I was on their side and I could be helpful. I revised their daily checklists to put some of the more tedious tasks on my plate to allow them more time to really focus on guest interaction and not the computer. I sent out "keep up the great work" email blasts for minor things just to show my appreciation for their hard work. I even created cash prizes for do nothing more than their literal job, just to spark some friendly competition. I was for sure this would create a more open dialogue and garner just a morsel of gratitude from everyone. Right? Wrong!
At each turn I was met with objection, complete obliviousness, and the "that's nice but no one is going to do that". Daily tasks weren't being completed even with less to complete, emails went unread, and that cash prize competition .... no one even bothered to think twice about it. The open dialogue? It was a one way street. The only time anyone ever "respected" my title as supervisor was when they called out for a shift knowing I solely would be responsible for going in, no matter what. I was covering so many called out shifts there were days I would only make it home with enough time to shower, sleep for an hour, and head back out to work.
I was given more responsibility because I was handling it so well. Really, I was dying inside. My body hurt everyday. It was a good nights sleep if I was able to keep my eyes shut for more than 3 hours. My anxiety started to make me feel physically sick. I couldn't tell up from down, I was just floating, one day to the next. My General Manager and the rest of the management team commended me on my hard work. For them it wasn't going unnoticed. Practically because my overtime every week was only increasing. In some odd way though their recognition only motivated me to work harder. Be more proactive. Just do and not complain. Suck it up. After all, they were the ones signing my checks and would be the ones to review my job performance the next time I asked for a promotion, and trust me, there will be a next time.
Long story short- I stopped coddling everyone and work became just that, work. I asked for the support of my GM in trusting my judgment and backing me up when I needed it. There were consequences for things not getting done. No more excuses. No more, "no one is going to do that". I didn't win every battle but I was in a better position to win the war. I failed in some ways and succeeded in others. I was tested both personally and professionally and sometimes still find myself in bed at 3am wide awake on Indeed.com convinced that I should find another line of work.
I wish I could say things have gotten easier. That everyone came around and we all of a sudden work in rhythm with one another. That the work feels less stressful and more rewarding, but I would be lying. The truth is, the environment is still just as toxic as the day my promotion was announced. I've realized that is the sad reality of some work places and instead of trying to change it I've learned to adapt. Meet people where they are.
The biggest takeaway this far has been to not take things personally, even when it is personal. Unfortunately there are people in this world who refuse to treat you with the respect you deserve. Those who want to dim your light because they are so used to living in darkness, you intimidate them. How people treat you sometimes has very little to do with you and everything to do with them. I have learned to create my own standard of success and measure myself based on my on specific goals. To celebrate my own victories and be okay celebrating myself. To forgive myself when I do something wrong. Humble myself enough to ask for help. Smile when I learn something new and do it correctly the first time around. Leave work at work. And above all else, remember that no matter how anyone feels, a new position was created just for me because I am valuable, I am useful, I am brilliant when I focus on something, and I have something no one can ever take from me: a passion and drive and to better than I was yesterday.